Someone get on the phone with Ali Gerba

Canada head coach Stephen Hart said, after Tuesday’s game against Honduras, that he was planning to fly to Spain to talk to Jonathan de Guzman — presumably in the hopes of luring him back to the Canadian fold.

But if Hart’s looking for someone who can make an immediate impact (get it?) with Les Rouges, he could probably have saved his frequent-flyer miles and just gotten on the phone with Ali Gerba.

Gerba — after a brief, controversy-ridden stint with Toronto FC last season — is back with the Montreal Impact (for the fourth time in his career) and is, to say the least, tearing up the pitch like a party-sized bag of Doritos.

Ha ha, yes, obligatory Gerba fat joke. But the man has seven goals in three games, including two on Tuesday night and a hat trick on August 21. If Canada is looking for someone who can bulge the ol’ onion bag (hint: they are) for their next match, on October 8 in Ukraine, Hart would be foolish not to give Gerba the call.

Canada friendlies: Who gets the call?

In the coming days, Canada head coach Stephen Hart is set to release the rosters for the team’s upcoming friendlies, against Peru on September 4 (in Toronto) and against Honduras on September 7 (in Montreal). Considering the position the team finds itself, most (myself included) would say this is a good time to “blood the pups”; that is, take a look at younger players with little experience for the national team, to see first-hand what they’re capable of.

That being said, it’s also critical to try to get a result from these games, as we need to move up the FIFA rankings to better our lot when it comes to the World Cup qualifying draw. What to do, what to do?

This is by no means an actual roster, or a starting 11; rather, it’s speculative musing about the short- and medium-term future of our men’s national team:

Canada’s future strike force (or, “hope springs eternal”)

It’s no secret that the three of us here at Some Canadian Guys are very high on Simeon Jackson, the 23-year-old forward who recently made a move to Norwich City in the English Championship. One of our colleagues (whose love of Ali Gerba is well-documented) suggested that it’s foolhardy to place so much faith in an as-yet-unproven player.

Well then, call me foolhardy, because I’m about to place faith in not one, not two, but three unproven players!

Mental meanderings on a moribund Monday

I’ve recently gotten a job that has me working some weird hours, so as my body struggles to adjust to the new circadian reality, I’ve been asking myself some bizarre questions about the beautiful game. Among them:

• Is it possible that the abominable play of the Toronto Maple Leafs over the past three years has been an intentional ploy by the owners at Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment to divert attention towards their newest product, Toronto FC? Call it overly conspiratorial if you must (and probably should), but the Leafs’ absence from the NHL playoffs during each of TFC’s first three seasons certainly hasn’t hurt the Reds in their pursuit of mainstream attention and support in the city.

Report from Columbus: Canada beats El Salvador like a rented mule

In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that I’m not reporting from Columbus — I’m in my usual newsroom (that is, my living room, with no pants on), having shuffled back into town about a half hour ago after a frenetic 36-hour whirlwind of footie, beer and international intrigue. I’m exhaustedly delirious and various bodily organs are in pain for various reasons, but I’m gonna give a recap anyway.

To do away with the “just the facts” stuff (even though you probably already know it): Canada beat El Salvador 1-0 in a Gold Cup matchup at Crew Stadium in Columbus, Ohio last night. Despite the slim 1-0 margin of victory, the Canucks solidly controlled the possession and flow for most of the game, anchored by a trio of brilliant performances by midfielders Atiba Hutchinson, Julian de Guzman and Patrice Bernier. The win pretty much guarantees us a spot in the quarterfinals, depending on the outcome of our final group stage game on Friday against Costa Rica.

Okay, now it’s time for some of what they refer to in the newspaper biz as “colour”…

Well, that was a good start…

What is there to be said? (“You tell us, you’re the blogger.”) If you were looking for a tightly-played, precise game of technical beauty… or a fast, flowing, openly entertaining showcase of footie… well, last night’s Canada/Jamaica match wasn’t for you. But, if you’re a fan of borderline-sloppy, walking-on-eggshells games where both squads and sets of fans are still nursing the pain of being eliminated from World Cup qualifying, then oh baby, were you in luck!

The scene inside Scallywags was pretty raucous (and, as several people suggested, likely consisted of more people than the Canadian supporters sections in actual attendance at any of the Gold Cup group matches). The clearly-not-as-emotionally-invested-as-the-rest-of-us clowns off in the corner, with their loud and ironic chanting, were starting to get on my nerves… but once Ali Gerba managed to fumble and stumble his way onto the end of a Mike Klukowski cross and slot it past Donovan fuckin’ Ricketts, well, no level of nimroddery could ruin my night.

And it should be noted that fellow Some Canadian Guy Jamie — just like the last time Canada played Jamaica in a meaningful match — was in the washroom when Canada’s goal was scored… less than 30 seconds after I’d said “de Guzman will probably pot one while you’re in the bathroom”. It was Gerba but, same difference. Jamie declined to spend the entirety of Tuesday’s game in the can (even if it was for the good of the nation).

I’m sure we’ll have more to say on our podcast tomorrow, so check back late Sunday evening.

Mo Johnston, please sign Ali Gerba

While the news that Ali Gerba has been released from League One side MK Dons is certainly not good, it could bode very well for those of us who support both Canada and Toronto FC. In case you hadn’t noticed, Toronto FC doesn’t score a lot of goals. They never have. Amado Guevara and Dwayne DeRosario, both midfielders, have done their best to rectify the situation so far this year. But as for our strikers? Danny Dichio is on his last legs; Pablo Vitti has fancy footwork but no goals to show for it; and Chad Barrett’s ability to miss sure goals is approaching legendary status.

In Gerba, you’ve got a Canadian striker, with lots of international pedigree (albeit not at top levels), whose career strike rate in all leagues and competitions is approximately one goal every two games. Why the hell wouldn’t you sign him?

I don’t know what kind of money Gerba was making at Milton Keynes, but if cash is the issue, TFC could finally pull the trigger and use their long sat-upon designated player spot. Gerba has experience playing in Canada (having multiple stints at both the Montreal Impact and Toronto Lynx) and familiarity with DeRo (whom he’d be linking up with in the attack), as well as TFCers Adrian Serioux, Jim Brennan, Kevin Harmse and Greg Sutton.

There are probably a few good reasons why this move wouldn’t make sense, but fuck ’em. Just go with the title. Mo Johnston, please sign Ali Gerba.

The five English promotion/relegation battles that actually matter

So, who’s going to win the Premiership this year? Will it be the foreign-billionaire-financed rogues gallery of international stars? Or one of the other foreign-billionaire-financed rogues galleries of international stars? Yawn. Ho hum. With all due respect to Grant and Jamie (that is to say, not much), no one cares about your little club at the top of the PL. There are more interesting battles being waged in Britannia as this season draws to a close.

Specifically, it seems that a lot of the Canadians playing in England are seeing their teams fighting to move up or avoid moving down. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe this is the shake-up year in Canadian soccer. Or maybe it’s a coincidence. Either way, it’s time for a roundup of the five big English promotion/relegation fights that involve Canadian players: