The Reserve Squad Briefs: March 17, 2010

David Beckham has left a Finnish hospital after undergoing surgery to repair his ruptured Achilles tendon. When asked why he would travel to Finland, of all places, to have the operation performed, Beckham said, “I remember hearin’ these tourism songs for the country when I was a boy, and always wanted to come here. It’s quite far from Cairo, and I hear they got some nice pony-trekking. It’s the country where I want to be. Well, ‘cept for England.”

John Terry is in the news again, this time for hitting a security guard with his car. Said the Chelsea captain in a statement: “I sincerely regret the incident and apologize to the fellow who got in the way of my car. I didn’t realize I had run over a security guard until later. I was pretty sure I was just driving over a bridge.”

Movie star Jessica Alba has paid a visit to Soccer City in Joburg, South Africa. When asked why she wanted to visit the showpiece of the 2010 World Cup, Alba said: “I remember watching Charlize Theron at the World Cup draw and thinking, ‘This is what acting is all about. She can stand on that stage and really make us believe that she cares about any of this.’ That’s why she’s won an Academy Award. And so I’ve come here to hopefully soak up some of that talent.”

Chinese police have detained three referees as part of the country’s ongoing match-fixing investigation. In related news, Canadian police have now issued a warrant for Mexican referee Benito Archundia, on at least two counts of aggravating robbery.

In other Canadian news, the soccer pitch at King George V park in St. John’s, Newfoundland & Labrador will reopen this year, after being damaged by a flood two years ago. Despite its historical significance (Canada qualified for its first and only World Cup by beating Honduras there in September 1985), the story has largely flown under the Canadian media radar, as Canadians are enraptured by the scintillating story of Sidney Crosby’s missing glove, stick, jock strap and facial hair.

The CEO of AEG, the owner of the LA Galaxy, has weighed in on the potential MLS players’ strike. Tim Leiweke, whose company helped financially prop up the league for years, has said “I don’t even know how to react when I hear the players now saying that we have treated them poorly.” In other news, renowned sheriff Joe Arpaio has called the Arizona prison system “a work in progress” and said convicts shouldn’t complain about their living accommodations, “especially since the state is picking up the tab.”

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