Chelsea-Barca talking points

You know the fable about William Tell? The one where he’s forced to shoot an apple off the top of his son’s head with an arrow? Well, as a Chelsea supporter, watching the game today was like being Tell’s son, but instead of the apple being on your head, it was dangling an inch below your crotch and Tell shot arrow after arrow at it for ninety straight minutes.

Which is funny, because based on initial reaction from friends and the Internet, neutrals thought the game was complete garbage.

Some talking points (for your next presentation? I don’t know.)

  • Guus was all bluster in the pre-match presser, claiming that Chelsea would be on the attack from the start. Then, Chelsea basically came out and played entire match in the 10-0-0 formation I’d jokingly called for earlier in the week. So what now? Chelsea obviously have to employ at least rudimentary forward play in the return leg. Will that open them up at the back for Messi et al to stuff a bunch of away goals?
  • Speaking of Messi, where the f**k was he? I don’t want to tempt fate, but for an heir apparent to Diego Maradona, there wasn’t much heir apparenting going on today.
  • What does the game imply for the assertion that the Premier League is the world’s best? Barca thoroughly and utterly dominated possession, but all that intricate midfield work for the most part led to nothing.
  • Do the negative tactics make neutrals hate Chelsea even more? Obviously I’m biased, but when it comes to the side I support, I prescribe to the “if you want entertainment, go to the cinema” philosophy.
  • How much will the absence of two starting center backs affect Barca next week? Drogs missed a sitter today, he can’t afford to do that again.

Holding Barca to a clean sheet at the Camp Nou is fantastic, but a first leg 0-0 away draw remains fraught with all sorts of nightmare scenarios. I assume Barca will eventually break through next week, and that means Chelsea need two.

Hear that Guus? Two. That’s one more than the lone attempt on goal Chelsea managed today that wasn’t the result of a serious defensive lapse.

If today’s game was akin to having arrows shot toward my genitals for an hour and a half, then God help me and every other Chelsea supporter next week.

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4 Responses to “Chelsea-Barca talking points”

  1. I have no sympathy for you.

  2. I’m going to go ahead and compare being a Newcastle supporter to being the amputee in this fight: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWs5q9s7Sjk

  3. Allow me to illustrate, ladies and gentlemen, what Grant is doing here. During our most recent podcast (which you should really listen to) he went on about how scared he is of Barcelona, and how he thought Chelsea would be lucky to escape with a 2-0 defeat. Now, after a much better result than that, he’s bemoaning their chances even more. Why? Fear of hubris, that’s why. Grant believes that if he has (or at least shows) any confidence in Chelsea, they will fail him.
    So, knowing this, doesn’t your extra negativity simply mean that you are somewhat confident, Grant, and simply trying to cover that confidence with an added layer of poo-pooing Chelsea’s chances?
    You can’t escape hubris, Grant! You can’t! It will come and find you!!

  4. You know, Grant, you’re allowed to publish the word “fuck” on our blog.

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