The Reserve Squad: Grant Launches Bid For Ronaldo

In a move that has stunned the soccer world, Canadian Soccer Blog’s own Grant “Avram” S. has formally issued a bid to transfer superstar midfielder Cristiano Ronaldo from Manchester United to Grant’s own midtown Toronto apartment.

“I’ve been biding my time, watching the Man U-Madrid drama peter out. I felt that the time had come for me to issue an unbeatable bid,” parped Grant.

The bid, said to be worth a two-four of Lucky Lager and a homemade coupon for three soccer breakfasts at Scallywags at Yonge and St. Clair, is the latest chapter in a transfer saga that has captivated – and frustrated – the soccer world. All summer, Manchester United and Real Madrid have been embroiled in a back-and-forth over the Portuguese international. The ongoing rumours of a transfer to Madrid were finally put to bed this week, with all parties stating that an agreement could not be reached. Manchester’s staunch refusal to sell is widely seen as the reason for the failed transfer. United’s manager, Sir Alex Ferguson, even stated that he’d rather let Ronaldo sit in the reserves than sell him.

Asked about his own plans for the midfielder, especially amidst swirling and accurate rumours that he is in no way real manager, and may very well be drunk, Grant had only a crytpic reply: “I suppose he’ll have to sleep on the futon,” the hopeful bidder said.

Inside sources suggest that Grant’s unexpected bid is borne largley out of malice towards both Alex Ferguson and Ronaldo himself, and that the homemade coupon he intends to use to pay for the superstar might very well be out of date.

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